1. Continuing psychological "re-runs" of the events, including:
• frequent thoughts and memories about what happened, even when trying to avoid them.
• recurring nightmares about the trauma.
• suddenly feeling or acting as if the events were happening again (flashbacks).
• strong, painful feelings set off by things which are in some way related to what happened.
2. Ongoing attempts to avoid memories and feelings by:
• becoming generally numb to everything, by cutting off most feelings, both good and bad.
• avoiding activities or situations which may bring back memories and feelings.
• loss of large areas of memory about past life.
• loss of interest in things most other people care about; feeling different and cut off from other people.
• lack of any sense of having a future.
3. Continuous extreme physical alertness, including:
• constantly watching for signs of danger, with "startle responses," and trouble sleeping.
• trouble concentrating on business in the present world.
• irritabilitiy; outbursts of anger.
• physical reactions similar to what happened during past trauma (tremors, sweating, nausea, etc.)

1. Put together a written herstory of your life, understanding the effect the traumatic parts had. You can lay out a "life line," beginning with your birth and put in any markers that will keep track of time. Talk to family, friends, teachers, ministers, neighbors and anyone else who may have information about your life. Pay special attention to periods of time you cannot remember, or that others will not discuss with you. Sometimes it is possible to work backward from things that are known. Put your notes in a safe place. You may wish to add to them from time to time, as you find new information. Sometimes reviewing them will help you understand some new problem in your life.
2. Map out your usual triggers, where they are likely to be encountered, and what your usual reactions are. Some triggers can be avoided almost completely, and should be. Others may be harder to avoid, or you may have good reason to take the chances involved in running into them.
3. Learn to recognize and avoid hurtful people.
4. Avoid the use of drugs which temporarily improve symptoms, but make them worse on the "rebound."
5. Reduce your exposure to new injury (stay out of places that serve alcohol, for example.)
6. Stop current patterns of behavior which may be replays or reenactments of your own previous trauma, such as child abuse, fighting, etc.
7. Actions to make the real world safer are much more helpful than just trying to cope with your feelings about what might happen. Good locks and a dog are more helpful than lying in bed trying not to be afraid.

Finding someone to talk to about the abuse is not quick or simple. Some people will listen because they have had to live with abuse too. They may or may not be able to tolerate terrible stories at a given time. Listening to your story may bring up feelings they find too painful to deal with.

Others will listen because they are unusually committed to helping other people--or care a lot about you personally. Finding people who can listen is a key part of surviving. It involves several specific steps:

1. Talk with them about some part of your life that is fairly ordinary, and see if they really listen. If they listen poorly to the very ordinary, they certainly will not hear the really ugly. If they listen, then:
2. Choose a "medium bad" part of your story, one not too hard to handle if things go badly, and tell that. If they change the subject, turn mean, or drop the relationship, they probably are not worth any more effort.
   If they get panicky or go numb, you may have found another person with an abuse herstory. Keep in mind that they may or may not consciously recall the experience. Given plenty of time and personal space, these people may talk with you. Don't push.
3. Once you know a person really well, you may choose to tell him or her the very worst things that happened, the ones that would really hurt if not handled with gentleness and respect. After you tell another person the very worst, and are met with kindness and respect, the memories never have quite the same power over you again.
4. Sometimes you will know people you care about, and very much would like to talk to, but you really feel they could not tolerate the ugly details. You may choose to tell them only some of the story, or even none.
   It is not fair that you should have to spend your energy to protect them from hearing about what you had to live, but occasionally it is necessary.

Abuse survivors often are pressed to "forgive" the abuser. The pressure may come from others, especially family members, or from your own beliefs about what should be done.

Forgiveness is a word for something that does not exist in the real world. There is no way to go back and act as if nothing ever happened, which is what most people want and most people think forgiveness means. People other than you made bad choices, with terrible outcomes, and became worse people as a result.

You may choose not to seek revenge, you may choose to continue with some contact with the abuser, and you may try to support any positive change that the abuser may attempt, but there is no way you can control what the abuser chose to do. If you had been able to control other people's decisions, there would have been no abuse. You have nothing to be forgiven for, because you did not make the choices.